Which way are you going?

Are you on your way up or on your way down?  I’m not sure what I’m doing – I hadn’t really thought about it until now.  Let’s see.  I’m going forward in time (much too fast), skirting sideways around a couple of tricky issues, looking backwards, going round in circles with one paper and at a complete standstill with another, racking up various experiences in the process.   I’m not on my way up or down, yet not at the top or bottom either.   Just here now, generally attempting more than I can handle well.  I’m going places, constantly encountering new things.  Beginnings and endings are all around.

A few people have commented recently that they thought they would have done more than they have by the age they are now.  I don’t feel that way (generally amused that I’m here and doing things at all).  I’ve never made any particular plans or set time constraints to the vague plans and this seems to be unusual.  Is this a lack of ambition, indecisiveness, fear or merely a lack of attention?   It seems somewhat practical.  I’m unlikely to figure out the ups and downs of it all.  I’ll just go along like I have been.  Ah, that’s which way I’m going: along.

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